Makeup

Makeup

Beauty
Is not on the surface
In people
People that I love are beautiful
To me
They shine
It doesn't matter how they
Look
In fact, scars make them more real
More human
Intimacy is knowing what this scar is from
And that
Knowing their stories
That they trust me to tell me
People that I love are beautiful

I have been wearing makeup
I never cared before really
Until a book by an artist
Showed me his vision
The beauty that he sees
In everyone
I call it my paint by numbers makeup book
Because he is a true artist
Who believes that art is for everyone
And so he includes instructions
For each picture
So that I too can dabble in his art

I will wear makeup at my family summer lake
I do not think my family
Will approve
Nor do I think that they will understand
Even if I try to explain
I may say that I am trying to catch a new man
That will confirm their disapproval
I will break the rules
By wearing makeup
Which is exactly the point
But I am also
Celebrating beauty
The beauty that the Beloved sees
In everyone

7/1/06

life isn't dull

I haven't posted since Sept 3 and lots happening. Two poems today, a new one and an old one. The new one is because a new goat is being scaped where I was last scapegoated. They are averaging one every two years. I wonder if anyone else has noticed a pattern. It certainly makes it feel less personal towards me and I am doing what I can to support the current victim. Ick, it's just yuky to watch. I am so glad I am not there. I wonder at the state of their souls. At least it's fair and everyone gets a turn. I'm trying to resist starting a betting pool on who will be next.

The other poem has come up because I started dating. I waited for a year after my divorce. I started dating in July. My daughter said, "Oh no," when I told her I was going on a date. I asked why "Oh, no." She replied, "I don't want a stepdad or for us to move into another house." I said, "It's just a date. It's not serious." Famous last words. Now I'm sort of wondering how to tell my children that you don't always fall for the first person you date. I am Bemused, Bewitched and Bemildered, as the bats in the Pogo cartoon were named. They couldn't remember which one had which name and the names changed. Sometimes one was Bothered. They would look at which pair of pants they had put on that day and the names were actually attached to the pants. Makes sense to me. I am happy, happy, happy but it also brings up the Fear of Loss. That brought up the second poem, titled Resistance.

Blessings!
Red Paw

Resistance

Resistance

Over and over
I resist
I stand at the edge
I stare at the torrent
The cliff
The falls
The abyss

Over and over
I resist

Over and over
I let go
I fall
Over the cliff
Down the falls
Into the abyss

Over and over
I am sure
I will drown
I will lose my way
I will not surface

Ecstasy is in the air
Between trapezes

I am elsewhere
I am other
No words
No thoughts
No body
No mind

The water is cold
As I expect
When I hit
I knew by the spray
Before I jumped

Submerged
Immersed
Subversive

Over and over
I am born
From the surf
I emerge
From the waves
I am delivered

Fear is my key
Grief is my key
In the places I do
not want to go
That's where I must go

Over and over I resist
And then let go

4/3/06

Scape that Goat

Scape that Goat

Raise the drawbridge, build the moat
We'll be fine once we've scaped that goat
Appease the gods by slitting her throat
We needed one so we took a vote
We're scared of lions, tigers and stoats
We won't admit how much we gloat
Throw a passenger out of the boat
Sacrifice her to the dragon's throat
We're safe for now; that's all she wrote

9/21/07

format

Powergirl didn't quite format right. The second line of each phrase indents. That was very satisfying to write and feels good to post too. I'm trying to sort out how often angels have turned up in my poems. Biggest thing about divorce for me was that after I tried for two years to see if we could meet in the middle (couples counseling) then the choice between modeling misery and getting out seemed easy. Modeling happy single parenting seemed like a much better idea. Took another year after that poem.

Love,
Red Paw

Powergirl Takes Off

Powergirl Takes Off

Powergirl have wings
to fly
She related to
Superfly
She scared when
baby almost die
She scared and yes'n'she
do cry

Husband say she much
too strong
He say she most allays
wrong
He sing and dance de
same old song
He rather she put on
a thong
He played too much with
that old bong

Now man he working
ooh he big
He have no time for
little kid
Not that he ever
really did

She researches kides
summer camps
She studies schedules late
with lamps
Pay de money, lick de
stamps

Husband say she got too
much power
He say it nearly every
hour
He grumpy sullen and really
sour

Powergirl got wings
to fly
She look with longing
at the sky
She look at husband
wonder why

She finally realized he
a pain
She take a saw to
ball and chain
Husband he whine and
complain
She wonder why he
goddamn insane
She learn divorce lawyer
nice name

Husband lie on ground and
moan
He whine and bitch all on
de phone
Powergirl leave him there
alone
He drink and fuck and get
real stoned

Powergirl have wings
to fly
She rising rising
in the sky
Kids light as she is
hollow bones
They scared to leave
familiar home
Ride on her shoulders
in the sky
She hopes that they will
learn to fly


7/15/05

Witness

Witness

Sometimes
Even as you make
The same mistake
Cross the threshold
Open the door
Lift the glass

You feel the presence
Of angels
Drawn by the seriousness
Of your decision
Present
Not to pull you away
From the cup
The drug
The wrong man
The dire pattern
You feel their intensity
The presence
As if outer space
Has clung to their wings
Or motes from heaven
Alien
The weight of their gaze
And their interest

Sometimes
Even as you make
The same mistake
It's not the same
To sense an angel
Witness


6/25/05