I haven't posted since Sept 3 and lots happening. Two poems today, a new one and an old one. The new one is because a new goat is being scaped where I was last scapegoated. They are averaging one every two years. I wonder if anyone else has noticed a pattern. It certainly makes it feel less personal towards me and I am doing what I can to support the current victim. Ick, it's just yuky to watch. I am so glad I am not there. I wonder at the state of their souls. At least it's fair and everyone gets a turn. I'm trying to resist starting a betting pool on who will be next.
The other poem has come up because I started dating. I waited for a year after my divorce. I started dating in July. My daughter said, "Oh no," when I told her I was going on a date. I asked why "Oh, no." She replied, "I don't want a stepdad or for us to move into another house." I said, "It's just a date. It's not serious." Famous last words. Now I'm sort of wondering how to tell my children that you don't always fall for the first person you date. I am Bemused, Bewitched and Bemildered, as the bats in the Pogo cartoon were named. They couldn't remember which one had which name and the names changed. Sometimes one was Bothered. They would look at which pair of pants they had put on that day and the names were actually attached to the pants. Makes sense to me. I am happy, happy, happy but it also brings up the Fear of Loss. That brought up the second poem, titled Resistance.
Blessings!
Red Paw
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Resistance
Resistance
Over and over
I resist
I stand at the edge
I stare at the torrent
The cliff
The falls
The abyss
Over and over
I resist
Over and over
I let go
I fall
Over the cliff
Down the falls
Into the abyss
Over and over
I am sure
I will drown
I will lose my way
I will not surface
Ecstasy is in the air
Between trapezes
I am elsewhere
I am other
No words
No thoughts
No body
No mind
The water is cold
As I expect
When I hit
I knew by the spray
Before I jumped
Submerged
Immersed
Subversive
Over and over
I am born
From the surf
I emerge
From the waves
I am delivered
Fear is my key
Grief is my key
In the places I do
not want to go
That's where I must go
Over and over I resist
And then let go
4/3/06
Over and over
I resist
I stand at the edge
I stare at the torrent
The cliff
The falls
The abyss
Over and over
I resist
Over and over
I let go
I fall
Over the cliff
Down the falls
Into the abyss
Over and over
I am sure
I will drown
I will lose my way
I will not surface
Ecstasy is in the air
Between trapezes
I am elsewhere
I am other
No words
No thoughts
No body
No mind
The water is cold
As I expect
When I hit
I knew by the spray
Before I jumped
Submerged
Immersed
Subversive
Over and over
I am born
From the surf
I emerge
From the waves
I am delivered
Fear is my key
Grief is my key
In the places I do
not want to go
That's where I must go
Over and over I resist
And then let go
4/3/06
Scape that Goat
Scape that Goat
Raise the drawbridge, build the moat
We'll be fine once we've scaped that goat
Appease the gods by slitting her throat
We needed one so we took a vote
We're scared of lions, tigers and stoats
We won't admit how much we gloat
Throw a passenger out of the boat
Sacrifice her to the dragon's throat
We're safe for now; that's all she wrote
9/21/07
Raise the drawbridge, build the moat
We'll be fine once we've scaped that goat
Appease the gods by slitting her throat
We needed one so we took a vote
We're scared of lions, tigers and stoats
We won't admit how much we gloat
Throw a passenger out of the boat
Sacrifice her to the dragon's throat
We're safe for now; that's all she wrote
9/21/07
Monday, September 3, 2007
format
Powergirl didn't quite format right. The second line of each phrase indents. That was very satisfying to write and feels good to post too. I'm trying to sort out how often angels have turned up in my poems. Biggest thing about divorce for me was that after I tried for two years to see if we could meet in the middle (couples counseling) then the choice between modeling misery and getting out seemed easy. Modeling happy single parenting seemed like a much better idea. Took another year after that poem.
Love,
Red Paw
Love,
Red Paw
Powergirl Takes Off
Powergirl Takes Off
Powergirl have wings
to fly
She related to
Superfly
She scared when
baby almost die
She scared and yes'n'she
do cry
Husband say she much
too strong
He say she most allays
wrong
He sing and dance de
same old song
He rather she put on
a thong
He played too much with
that old bong
Now man he working
ooh he big
He have no time for
little kid
Not that he ever
really did
She researches kides
summer camps
She studies schedules late
with lamps
Pay de money, lick de
stamps
Husband say she got too
much power
He say it nearly every
hour
He grumpy sullen and really
sour
Powergirl got wings
to fly
She look with longing
at the sky
She look at husband
wonder why
She finally realized he
a pain
She take a saw to
ball and chain
Husband he whine and
complain
She wonder why he
goddamn insane
She learn divorce lawyer
nice name
Husband lie on ground and
moan
He whine and bitch all on
de phone
Powergirl leave him there
alone
He drink and fuck and get
real stoned
Powergirl have wings
to fly
She rising rising
in the sky
Kids light as she is
hollow bones
They scared to leave
familiar home
Ride on her shoulders
in the sky
She hopes that they will
learn to fly
7/15/05
Powergirl have wings
to fly
She related to
Superfly
She scared when
baby almost die
She scared and yes'n'she
do cry
Husband say she much
too strong
He say she most allays
wrong
He sing and dance de
same old song
He rather she put on
a thong
He played too much with
that old bong
Now man he working
ooh he big
He have no time for
little kid
Not that he ever
really did
She researches kides
summer camps
She studies schedules late
with lamps
Pay de money, lick de
stamps
Husband say she got too
much power
He say it nearly every
hour
He grumpy sullen and really
sour
Powergirl got wings
to fly
She look with longing
at the sky
She look at husband
wonder why
She finally realized he
a pain
She take a saw to
ball and chain
Husband he whine and
complain
She wonder why he
goddamn insane
She learn divorce lawyer
nice name
Husband lie on ground and
moan
He whine and bitch all on
de phone
Powergirl leave him there
alone
He drink and fuck and get
real stoned
Powergirl have wings
to fly
She rising rising
in the sky
Kids light as she is
hollow bones
They scared to leave
familiar home
Ride on her shoulders
in the sky
She hopes that they will
learn to fly
7/15/05
Witness
Witness
Sometimes
Even as you make
The same mistake
Cross the threshold
Open the door
Lift the glass
You feel the presence
Of angels
Drawn by the seriousness
Of your decision
Present
Not to pull you away
From the cup
The drug
The wrong man
The dire pattern
You feel their intensity
The presence
As if outer space
Has clung to their wings
Or motes from heaven
Alien
The weight of their gaze
And their interest
Sometimes
Even as you make
The same mistake
It's not the same
To sense an angel
Witness
6/25/05
Sometimes
Even as you make
The same mistake
Cross the threshold
Open the door
Lift the glass
You feel the presence
Of angels
Drawn by the seriousness
Of your decision
Present
Not to pull you away
From the cup
The drug
The wrong man
The dire pattern
You feel their intensity
The presence
As if outer space
Has clung to their wings
Or motes from heaven
Alien
The weight of their gaze
And their interest
Sometimes
Even as you make
The same mistake
It's not the same
To sense an angel
Witness
6/25/05
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Ride Forth
Ride Forth
My grandmother
Packed all her troubles in her saddlebags
And rode forth singing
My mother
Packed all her troubles in her saddlebags
And rode forth singing
My father
Was the only one
Who ever saw the contents
He tried to drown them
My mother was loved
For her charm
I ride forth
Sometimes I sing
Sometimes I weep
My saddlebags are empty
Prayer flags flutter
Slowly shred
In the wind
I write my troubles
And my joys
On cloth
And thank the Beloved
For each
My horse is white
When I sing
Black
When I cry
A rainbow of colors
In between
The whole spectrum
That the Beloved allows
After I emptied
My saddlebags
I tried to leave them
But the people I met
Most, most, most
Were frightened
A naked woman
On a naked horse
I had to leave my village
When I learned to ride her
Made friends with her
Beloved
My village does not allow tears
When she turns black
Their saddlebags squirm and fight
The people try to throw them on my horse
In other places
The horses are all black
The white aspect of the Beloved
Frightens them
And they attack
I carry saddlebags
And Beloved is a gentle dapple gray
And the illusion of clothes surrounds me
When we meet new people
Until we know
It is safe to shine
Bright
And dark
I hope that others ride with the Beloved
In full rainbow
I ride forth
Sometimes I sing
Sometimes I weep
Even the color lonely
Is a part of the Beloved
9/1/06
My grandmother
Packed all her troubles in her saddlebags
And rode forth singing
My mother
Packed all her troubles in her saddlebags
And rode forth singing
My father
Was the only one
Who ever saw the contents
He tried to drown them
My mother was loved
For her charm
I ride forth
Sometimes I sing
Sometimes I weep
My saddlebags are empty
Prayer flags flutter
Slowly shred
In the wind
I write my troubles
And my joys
On cloth
And thank the Beloved
For each
My horse is white
When I sing
Black
When I cry
A rainbow of colors
In between
The whole spectrum
That the Beloved allows
After I emptied
My saddlebags
I tried to leave them
But the people I met
Most, most, most
Were frightened
A naked woman
On a naked horse
I had to leave my village
When I learned to ride her
Made friends with her
Beloved
My village does not allow tears
When she turns black
Their saddlebags squirm and fight
The people try to throw them on my horse
In other places
The horses are all black
The white aspect of the Beloved
Frightens them
And they attack
I carry saddlebags
And Beloved is a gentle dapple gray
And the illusion of clothes surrounds me
When we meet new people
Until we know
It is safe to shine
Bright
And dark
I hope that others ride with the Beloved
In full rainbow
I ride forth
Sometimes I sing
Sometimes I weep
Even the color lonely
Is a part of the Beloved
9/1/06
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