Between Trapezes

Ok, bad work day yesterday. I need to remind myself to never ever think that things can't get worse because they always can. Also that even when they're getting worse, eventually something will get better.

Between Trapezes

Two and a half years
Between trapezes

Letting go is hard
Enough
But then to hang
Wait for the next
On faith
When you can't see your way
After a while you aren't
Flying through the air
But falling

Falling
And screaming inside
Free fall
For hours
Days weeks years

In the company of angels
Letting go
Calls the angels
I dreamt of angels
Falling in a black void

And after a while
You don't want to fall anymore
And you understand
Those who end it
It takes great strength
To hold on to the idea
That it will end.

Two and a half years
And suddenly my hands are solid
Not falling
Swinging

Joy wells up
My mind is freed
From the hard work
Of falling and screaming
And I am swinging in the air
Safe

Color is back
Sensation
Sound
Music
Taste
Food melts in my mouth

Who would not be manic?

Solstice, 2005